... I admit sometimes I can be messy just the beginning ... a speech, I leave in the middle 'for months, then leave it again to resume incomplete.
TRANSLATION: In this post I will talk no 'to drugs, or side effects!
course a great excuse ... well ... I try to put yourself in my shoes: how do you talk about the past when the future is there 'round the corner, full of news', anxieties, thoughts but especially when there is a new life that awaits you?
now you get to know me ... when there is something important that's going to happen to me I can not stop thinking about it and the only thing I can do is "talk" with you!
So ... now we have made things clear: I am going to do the second operation and as you can imagine my life is about to undergo yet another change of direction!
You probably wonder why I do it so long, I should be accustomed by now: I have already 'made the first operation, in and out of hospitals are a myriad of times but then, what is' that torments me?!?!
To understand I have to tell you about my last 11 months and try to decrivervi the many, endless to how I felt. A
all? The sense of freedom '!
I know, I can 'seem absurd or excessive, and' so '!
FREEDOM 'in deciding what to eat, when and where.
I discovered many delights of "culinary" I had lost on the road during the long years of illness, such as nibbling a bar of chocolate, preparing impromptu dinner with friends or go to the beach and stop to eat in a chalet pentolaccia a huge fish (I get hungry just thinking about it!).
do not know .. I can not find the words to describe what I feel .. I can not because I know that you will remain 'hard to believe me and understand me for once ... but trust me!
FREEDOM 'in coming home and not having the fear of being sick.
I got over this fear so well that this summer my mother had to make an appointment a week before to be able to see me.
Basically I have lost a party, a concert, an evening with friends ... and yes, I have just had a good time .. it was now, do not you think?
(NB I'm also losing the habit of entering the premises and seek first the bagno..finalmente!!!)
LIBERTA' nel fare gli esami senza la paura, o la certezza, di venir ricoverata subito dopo!!
Anzi, vi diro' di piu' ( Dott. ne saresti fiero!!)... sono riuscita a cambiare metodo di studio (o forse la mia mente ora è solo piu' libera!!) e ad organizzarmi meglio: non passo piu' le nottate sui libri e riesco a trovare anche il tempo per delle lunghe e rilassanti passeggiate.
Ma la vera LIBERTA' è stata quella di risvegliarmi dopo un lunghissimo sonno durato 10 anni e finalmente scoprire il mio vero carattere.
Ho capito che la timidezza e la solitudine non fanno realmente parte di me, ma che semplicemente le utilizzavo per non avere contatti con chi mi circondava e per non dare troppe spiegazioni riguardo i miei comportamenti!
Insomma, proprio ora che iniziavo a divertirmi ed a vivere, mi tocca abbandonare tutto!
Mi sento come una bambina a cui viene dato il giocattolo che tanto desiderava e che poi gli viene strappato dalle mani.
Vi sembro esagerata? Bè..forse un po' si..ma permettetemi di essere almeno un pochino ansiosa ed impaurita...d'altra parte , a me questa vita piace, chi mi assicura che non perdero' tutto di nuovo?
Ogni tanto mi fermo a pensare ( e non stupitevi per questo!!!!).
Tra qualche giorno il telefono squillera' ed esattamente come un anno fa , nel giro di poche ore, mi ritrovero' in un letto d'ospedale intubata dalla head to toe and with a single desire: to open their eyes and realize that it's over.
No more 'disease, no more' Willy (inseparable companion of the last 11 months), more 'no limit but above all, the certainty of a life of long-term plans and no pit stops in a hospital!
Mah. Hopefully good!
In reality 'I scared to death that something is wrong in the right direction but on the other hand, these are the risks of the trade, is not it?
I just have to greet you and give you the first appointment to the third chapter of my life (caspita.. Seems to be a "beautiful "!!!).
Kisses!
PS. I would like to thank my illness (ops..'d Be right ' maybe crazy?) for teaching me that life should be lived every single moment, savoring even (perhaps especially!) things more 'simple and trying to "capture the' moment 'leaving no stone unturned.
I know, I probably said something obvious but it took me 10 years to understand this disease .. that stubborn!!
